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Things That Bother Me, Part III
Recently, while we were experiencing the lovely cooler temps earlier this summer, I observed a gentlemen taking full advantage of the nice weather. There he was, cruising down the interstate, top down on his convertible, wind blowing....straight over his big. bald. head.
Now, while I have nothing against bald men--two of my best guy friends are bald--it was the fact that he had the top down, and windows up. I have only seen this with female friends who don't want the wind to mess up their hair, so they raise the windows to deflect the oncoming breeze. I also had a guy friend in college who would do the same thing, but he was a little on the metrosexual side, so the reasoning behind the action was the same. For those of us who were just excited to be tooling around town in a convertible on a nice sunny day, the reaction to the action was "Are you serious?? Put the windows down already and screw the wind!!" But noooo, we had to have our hair all nice and pretty and spiffy.
So here is this man wasting a perfectly good, sunny day in a convertible, protecting his...baldness, Ayediosmio. Fun is wasted on the wrong people.
Another thng that bugged the heck out of me recently was the fact that a customer, though I know she meant well and with affection, she called me something that truly hurt and offended me.
She called me..."Honey Boo Boo".
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?? Did you just refer to me as the poster child for redneck illiteracy? When they speak on the show, captions have to be placed on the screen so that the audience can understand what they're saying. I don't even think they have to do this for the "Swamp People", but here's Mama June and Honey Boo Boo in all their glory, crucifying the English language so badly that if William Shakespeare were alive, he'd hunt them down and stab them with a quill pen. "Oh, evil one! Thou hast offended mine ears with your foul offensive tongue! Be gone!!"
Does it bother anyone else that these people are on TLC--The Learning Channel??!!
And speaking of customers, we have recently welcomed a new group into the building...fresh new faces, eager to get out there and take on the world...
I have already dubbed one of them "He Who Dresses Like a Box of Crayons".
Now, I know, I know. Judge not, lest ye be judged. And those of you who truly know me are witness to the fact that I will make fun of myself first and foremost above anything. I'm not immune to my sarcastic sense of humor.
But, let's analyze this, shall we? You come to work in those trendy new, form fitting dress shirts that look like they wouldn't fit my 4 year old daughter, let alone a twenty year old man. The buttons are straining to stay closed, and the top one can't be buttoned at all, so leave it open under the bow tie. Both shirt and pants are in glorious colors like, pink, lime, melon...chartruese, Don't forget to let the pants be form fitting as well, and ride about an inch above the ankle. If said pants are (gasp!) not high enough, be sure to roll them up accordingly so that you will be prepared in case of flood damage. Accessorize with a pair of loafers and no socks, so that all can see that blobish shaped tattoo on top of your foot. We've got a winner!!
The Miami Vice wardrobe people called-Don Johnson wants his wardrobe back, and he is pissed...


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